I spend a whole lot of nights awake for seemingly no reason at all. Well, not no reason, insomnia is the reason. For as long as I can remember, I have had trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. It is both a blessing and a curse. The curse part is obviously being tired all the damn time and then having people tell me I’m too young to be tired (like they could possibly know anything about my life).
I stare at the ceiling, I watch countless amounts of TV, I read a lot of books, but most of all I write. I figure if I’m not sleeping, I might as well be productive somehow. Much of Imitatore was written in the dead of night, while watching reruns of Intervention on Hulu. Writing is and always has been a pretty solitary time for me, I find it easier to be creative when I’m alone. It is much easier when I feel like absolutely no one is watching me. I’m sure I’m not the only one that feels this way.
I haven’t had a good nights sleep in what I’m pretty sure is years. Despite the myriad of medications I have been on for this problem, nothing ever really seems to help. I haven’t felt rested in so long that I think the only way I will be able to exist is exhausted. The horrible part about all of this is that fact that if I don’t sleep, that means I don’t dream either. Imitatore is ultimately a dream world of mine, one I have actually been deprived of for a while now. I am glad I finished the book but I really miss dreaming about the world I created. Hell, I miss sleeping.
As I begin the sequel to Imitatore, I am hoping that with the adjustment of my meds, my sleep problems will get better. There are no guarantees really since nothing has worked before but I’ll keep my fingers crossed.