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Not Running Away

There are times when I get scared, a lot more than I would like to. It often causes me to give up on projects before they are even finished because I’m too afraid of the possible outcome. Right now is really no different than all of those other times.

I am afraid. I’m afraid of failing, I am afraid of putting myself so far out there, and most of all I am afraid of disappointing those that believe in me. I think that this is a rational fear to have, even if I hate it. I guess that if I’m not scared then that must mean that I don’t care, right? At least that’s what people say. Right now, the only thing my brain is telling me to do is to “tuck my tail and run” but I am not going to do that. The only way I can disappoint those that believe in me, is to quit.

Like I have said many times, this is a dream that I have had for so long. If I give up on it, I really would be letting myself down more than anyone else. All my life I have wanted to be a writer and now the opportunity is starting me in the face; it makes me incredibly anxious. What if it turns out that I’m not a writer at all? That I’m not as talented as I hope that I am? I know I have to believe in myself and part of me does, it’s just that mental illness part of me that picks at that. This may be a ‘woe is me’ post but hey, its my blog. Imitatore means everything to me. I have put in so much time, effort, sleepless nights, and now money. I just don’t want it all to be for nothing.

I have to believe that it won’t be. I have to believe that this book will reach someone somewhere. In fact, I know that it will.

A. Rose

3 thoughts on “Not Running Away”

  1. It always makes me feel like I’m not alone when a writer admits the doubt inside of them. Not that I wish that type of fear on anyone, it’s just comforting to know I’m not alone. That everyone gets scared, especially when it involves something they love so dearly.

    Try to remember that not everyone is going to like your writing, no matter how amazing it is. You’ll always get that one person who just hates your work. And that’s fine, they’re entitled to their opinion (even though it would be better if they kept it to themselves, lol). The important part is the positive impact you novel will have on people. And trust me, they’ll be tons more who like it than not.

    At the very least, I can tell you want attracted me to your story. First of all, a black cast (unheard of, lol. Well not unheard of but you know what I mean)! And that black cast in a fantasy world filled with magic nonetheless. Growing up, I don’t remember it being painfully obvious that books didn’t include someone that looked like me but when I hit high school, I really started to notice it (I think mainly because I wanted to cosplay characters but my skin tone never matched). It seemed like the only time literature included black people was during Black History Month and it usually involved us being slaves or being mistreated. That will always be important literature to go over but all if ever did was make me sad, angry, and uncomfortable.

    Your novel gives me hope that a path for writers like us is slowly being paved to allow us to explore any and every genre, to publish and have our novels grace a vast audience’s eyes. We don’t always get the help and support we deserve but we always make it out okay in the end. ^_^ I’ll try my best too (I’ve been working on my novel for 5 years now, lol, so it’s been a daily struggle). Remember to get your voice out there, advertise as much as possible before your book is published so it can reach as many people as possible! 😀 Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

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