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Almost There!

It has been a hectic last few days for me, so I apologize for the gap in posting. The release of my book is almost near. I am really excited and hopeful for that day. So far, the reviews from some of my advance readers have been really uplifting. While I would like to be one of those people who is able to say that I don’t need the opinions of others; that is only slightly not true about me.

Positive reinforcement is actually a very helpful thing for me. Though, I do love constructive and helpful criticism as well. Its just nice to know that someone other than me enjoyed something that I wrote. It makes me blush, it makes me giddy, and most of all, it makes me very hopeful for my future as a writer. Honestly, I’m sure I’ve said this way too many times already but I’ve always wanted to be a writer. I never really felt like one and I let fear get in my way too many times to count. I’m still fearful but I’m pushing past it this time.

For the first time in a long time, I think that I’m actually happy. There are no dark and sad thoughts lingering about in my head. I guess the right combination of medication can really change a persons life. Don’t get me wrong, nothing is perfect all the time by any means, but i do feel a lot better. I’m excited to see what this year has in store for me, rather than dreading another day.

So January 11th is marked on my calendar and it should be on yours too!

A. Rose

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Weird Black Girl (Get to Know Me)

Yes, you read that right. It is a category that I have fit into since childhood, second only to Blerd (Black Nerd). It’s definitely not a bad thing, I will tell you that. Also, I know that I’m not the only one. I have never categorized the word ‘weird’ as bad in any way. If you do, then I apologize for any offense it may cause.

I have always been into different things. I realized this at a young age when I figured out Evanescence was. I had always been a music lover but I slowly learned that I really wasn’t into a lot of the music my peers and family were into. Like I will seriously listen to Breaking Benjamin and LIGHTS every day of the week.

Then I discovered my love for fiction, mostly fantasy fiction. I love superpowers and  superheros and worlds that have been created from scratch. I got super into that early on in life as well. I cannot tell you what the first fantasy book I read was because that was such a long time ago. I do know that one of my favorite series of books was the Eragon series, which I believe came out in like 2002. I absolutely loved those books and I’m actually kind of sad that I don’t own any. Secondly, I love absolutely anything by Octavia E. Butler, she is actually my idol when it comes to writing; even though she is no longer alive. There are many more but I can never think of them right off the top of my head. I never really got super into Harry Potter (don’t hate me). I have seen all the movies but never honestly made it through all the books. Doesn’t mean that I don’t like it, I just haven’t read enough to say if I do or not.

What can I say? I love magic, intrigue, mystical beasts, and mystical worlds. I mean I love a story that allows me to just completely escape inside it. Like, who doesn’t like that when they read a book?

So that’s me, though it’s not everything about me. I love alternative music, consider myself an adult goth, and just recently read the Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children series (I loved it by the way). Secretly, I still wish I had magic powers that I have yet to unlock and I’m 25 years old. I think that’s the kid in me and I honestly hope that never goes away.

A. Rose

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Not Running Away

There are times when I get scared, a lot more than I would like to. It often causes me to give up on projects before they are even finished because I’m too afraid of the possible outcome. Right now is really no different than all of those other times.

I am afraid. I’m afraid of failing, I am afraid of putting myself so far out there, and most of all I am afraid of disappointing those that believe in me. I think that this is a rational fear to have, even if I hate it. I guess that if I’m not scared then that must mean that I don’t care, right? At least that’s what people say. Right now, the only thing my brain is telling me to do is to “tuck my tail and run” but I am not going to do that. The only way I can disappoint those that believe in me, is to quit.

Like I have said many times, this is a dream that I have had for so long. If I give up on it, I really would be letting myself down more than anyone else. All my life I have wanted to be a writer and now the opportunity is starting me in the face; it makes me incredibly anxious. What if it turns out that I’m not a writer at all? That I’m not as talented as I hope that I am? I know I have to believe in myself and part of me does, it’s just that mental illness part of me that picks at that. This may be a ‘woe is me’ post but hey, its my blog. Imitatore means everything to me. I have put in so much time, effort, sleepless nights, and now money. I just don’t want it all to be for nothing.

I have to believe that it won’t be. I have to believe that this book will reach someone somewhere. In fact, I know that it will.

A. Rose

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We Did It!!!

With great joy I am here to announce that my GoFundMe campaign goal has been met! I seriously am crying from all the overwhelming support I have received from friends and strangers. Your belief in me is absolutely more than I can handle and I don’t know how I am ever going to repay any of you.

You all have helped me realize a dream that I never thought I would get to, let alone even set out to accomplish in the first place. I know I talk about my mental illnesses a lot but they are very real and they often stand in my way. I am hoping that I will be able to stave them off long enough to see this through. Of course, I am going to publish, I just don’t want to fall off on promoting myself.

So again, thank you all for your support and Imitatore will be coming to you all soon! I will keep you updated. Also my GoFundMe will stay up for a few days for any other donations that may come in! Much Love!

 

A. Rose

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More Than Thankful

There are so many people that I cannot thank enough and you all know who you are. Sometimes it is difficult for me to express my gratitude in words because I am a horribly awkward person. I know, a lot of you don’t think that I am but I am pretty good at playing it cool on the outside. Not that being an awkward person is even a bad thing but I will say that at times it is incredibly frustrating.

See, without you all, none of this would really even be happening right now. Sure, I wrote the story but it is all of you that are turning it into something real for me. Whether you are my beta readers, my editors, just here to support, or even someone who donated to my project. There is no way that I can even begin to say how happy you all truly make me.

To my beta readers and editors especially, you all are the most wonderful people I have ever met (well besides my boyfriend obviously). You have taken time out of your lives and days to read my ridiculous book and give me much needed feedback. Something you are in no way required to do but have done it anyway. I cannot imagine why you all jumped on this ridiculous train ride with me but thank you for doing so. Even if you end up hating my book, thank you for taking the time to read it anyway.

Lastly, my lovely, wonderful, intelligent, funny, sweet, kind, and caring boyfriend. My shining star, my rock, my guiding force, and so much more incredibly gross mushy stuff. I love you and without you I don’t know if I would have ever been able to do this. Your unflinching support means so much to me and I know I don’t say it often but I honestly don’t know what I would do without you. You always inspire me, every single day and sure you don’t realize that but you really, truly do. Not to mention the fact that you make me feel like I can accomplish anything and that is something I will always need.

A. Rose

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What I am Afraid Of

I am afraid of a lot of things really but this post is not about every single one of my fears. That can be a different post for a different time because trust me, that is a really long list. Right now, I mean my fears about Imitatore, about publishing, and about putting myself out there.

My biggest fear is pretty obvious and pretty standard if you are a writer or any type of artist. I am scared to death that everyone will hate it. Maybe not hate it but I am afraid that it will not be as entertaining as I hope it will be. However, I cannot fault anyone for not liking it and I really would not be upset if you didn’t. Everyone likes different things and you are in no way obligated to like Imitatore at all. It’s just, I am really hard on myself and have convinced myself that this book may not be as good as I think that it is. Anxiety and depression will do that to ya I guess.

I have spent the better part of my life hiding my writing from the world. I guess most writers do this but I do it far more often than I would like to. For the most part, I write in secret and then I keep it secret until the end of time. So putting myself out there on this big of a scale is frightening, to say the least. While I am not entirely concerned with being some kind of “overnight success”, I do hope there is someone out there who enjoys my work. Really, I am doing this to see if I can. To see if I can put myself out there and have no real fear about the outcome. My goal is not really for monetary gain, though that would be nice, it is not the end-all-be-all for me. I mean, who doesn’t love money?

My goal is to share, to put out a story that includes representation, and to genuinely give myself a chance to be the writer that I want to be. So I guess another fear is that I will fail at all of that. We as people all have fears, its just about how we navigate them. Not saying that everyone should “face their fears” because I believe a statement like that is asinine. Not everyone can “face their fears”, I of all people know that very well. This is just something that I feel like I have to do. That I need to do.

Even though being this exposed scares the absolute shit of me. I’m going to do it anyway and with any luck, you’ll all love Imitatore in your own ways.

A. Rose

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Why Your Support is Needed

Now I know what you’re probably thinking, is this really necessary? Most likely no but hey, I’ve got to write about something here. Support is always needed. In life, in art, and in so many other things. Without support, a lot of things never truly get out there. That and the support of my friends, peers, and even strangers means a lot to me.

As an author who plans to self-publish, building an audience and having support is a major key to my success. Well, I presume there will be a small amount of success but that is definitely not guaranteed. But in order for there to even be a small amount of success, I need you all. Even if you don’t read, like fantasy fiction, or don’t like my book in particular. There may be someone out there who does and your help with getting it out there would mean so much to me.

Being black and a woman has is advantages, I will say that. However, because of those two things I often feel as though my art and my voice are constantly overlooked. Could be all in my head but I doubt that. To add to that, there is the fact that there are not many black women fantasy fiction writers. Attempting to break into that market is going to particularly difficult for me to do but I am not going to let that stop me. I can’t let it hold me back from trying, even if it gets to me.

So again, your support is greatly needed. It will always be needed and I will always appreciate it. I will do my best to let you know how appreciative I am every single day.