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Weird Black Girl (Get to Know Me)

Yes, you read that right. It is a category that I have fit into since childhood, second only to Blerd (Black Nerd). It’s definitely not a bad thing, I will tell you that. Also, I know that I’m not the only one. I have never categorized the word ‘weird’ as bad in any way. If you do, then I apologize for any offense it may cause.

I have always been into different things. I realized this at a young age when I figured out Evanescence was. I had always been a music lover but I slowly learned that I really wasn’t into a lot of the music my peers and family were into. Like I will seriously listen to Breaking Benjamin and LIGHTS every day of the week.

Then I discovered my love for fiction, mostly fantasy fiction. I love superpowers and  superheros and worlds that have been created from scratch. I got super into that early on in life as well. I cannot tell you what the first fantasy book I read was because that was such a long time ago. I do know that one of my favorite series of books was the Eragon series, which I believe came out in like 2002. I absolutely loved those books and I’m actually kind of sad that I don’t own any. Secondly, I love absolutely anything by Octavia E. Butler, she is actually my idol when it comes to writing; even though she is no longer alive. There are many more but I can never think of them right off the top of my head. I never really got super into Harry Potter (don’t hate me). I have seen all the movies but never honestly made it through all the books. Doesn’t mean that I don’t like it, I just haven’t read enough to say if I do or not.

What can I say? I love magic, intrigue, mystical beasts, and mystical worlds. I mean I love a story that allows me to just completely escape inside it. Like, who doesn’t like that when they read a book?

So that’s me, though it’s not everything about me. I love alternative music, consider myself an adult goth, and just recently read the Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children series (I loved it by the way). Secretly, I still wish I had magic powers that I have yet to unlock and I’m 25 years old. I think that’s the kid in me and I honestly hope that never goes away.

A. Rose

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Why Now?

This is a question that I ask myself a lot, especially these days. Why am I doing this now? Why did I wait so long? Why don’t I wait a little longer? My mind is full of questions and doubts as I go through this process. Writing is something that I have always loved and while my depression often gets in the way of the things that I love, I always come back to writing somehow.

I have tried my hand at many different things, as most people do when they are searching for a place in life. I think I have actually spent more time trying new pursuits than I have with sticking with just one thing. Honestly, I have spent pretty much all of my life so far just looking for a place I belong in. To me, that sounds crazy high school but I am slowly realizing that even adults struggle with this. That even adults just want to feel like we belong somewhere, like we are going to be someone, and even that we are going to make a difference in the world. It may be cliche but it’s the truth.

I had a realization this year, one I was finally happy to have. I realized that not fitting in anywhere, is exactly who I am meant to be. Being a writer typically means being solo, it means being stuck in my own head, but most of all it means that there are molds that I want to break. Now I know what you’re thinking, is this a goddamn manifesto? Ha, no. I am not trying to be on my soapbox in the least bit. I’ve just learned that is time for me to do what I want to do and let go of the fear of ‘not fitting in’. It is a difficult thing to do when I also have anxiety to go along with my depression but I have to start doing what makes me happy.

Imitatore has helped me with this so much. Writing this novel has been the happiest I’ve ever been (well next to being with my boyfriend, he’s my number one happy). How about I say, this is the happiest I’ve ever been in my own life outside of my relationship life. Imitatore is a culmination of years of therapy, medication treatment, mental breakdowns, and alternative therapies. Again, sounds ridiculous and cliche but I can’t help if I am ridiculous and cliche. Writing this novel has changed me, most of all it has helped me see that my path is to write. While I will maintain going to college and finishing my psychology degree, I will never leave writing behind.

A. Rose

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To Self-Publish or Find an Agent?

Hi all and welcome to my first blog post.

I am currently still in the editing phases of Imitatore but I keep going back and forth about what I want to do once I’m done. The idea of getting some huge book deal has been an ultimate dream of mine since childhood but the fear of rejection keeps me from submitting to agents or publishers. Self-publishing also seems like a good way to go but it does involve a lot of effort on my part, both physically and financially. I have spent so long writing this story and the only thing I want most is for the world to read it, I am honestly just stuck on how to get there.

The drawbacks to attempting to submit to publishers or agents is the simple fact that I have no platform and not a lot of people know who I am. I do not have any degrees in writing and this is my first full fantasy fiction work. I don’t know about you but to me, that does not sound like someone I would bank on right out of the gate. However, there is always the possibility that I am wrong and that my work is good and someone would be overjoyed to work with me. I want to try but it is a long arduous process and I’m not sure I want to wait that long.

Self-publishing requires self-promotion, something that has never been a strong suit for me. It also requires a certain amount of financial capability if I want print books or to do signings and things of that nature. While ebooks are all the rage, I still want my book in print and in stores. I would not know how to make that happen. I guess I really don’t know much about the world of self-publishing at all. Hell, I’d love some advice.

So right now, I painstakingly edit while my mind refuses to make itself up. Though I must say, whether Imitatore is published or not, I am proud that I finished it. I thought about giving up so many times but I knew that this was my story to tell and no one other than me could do it. So, if anyone can offer any advice on the matter I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks for reading.

A. Rose