There are times when I get scared, a lot more than I would like to. It often causes me to give up on projects before they are even finished because I’m too afraid of the possible outcome. Right now is really no different than all of those other times.
I am afraid. I’m afraid of failing, I am afraid of putting myself so far out there, and most of all I am afraid of disappointing those that believe in me. I think that this is a rational fear to have, even if I hate it. I guess that if I’m not scared then that must mean that I don’t care, right? At least that’s what people say. Right now, the only thing my brain is telling me to do is to “tuck my tail and run” but I am not going to do that. The only way I can disappoint those that believe in me, is to quit.
Like I have said many times, this is a dream that I have had for so long. If I give up on it, I really would be letting myself down more than anyone else. All my life I have wanted to be a writer and now the opportunity is starting me in the face; it makes me incredibly anxious. What if it turns out that I’m not a writer at all? That I’m not as talented as I hope that I am? I know I have to believe in myself and part of me does, it’s just that mental illness part of me that picks at that. This may be a ‘woe is me’ post but hey, its my blog. Imitatore means everything to me. I have put in so much time, effort, sleepless nights, and now money. I just don’t want it all to be for nothing.
I have to believe that it won’t be. I have to believe that this book will reach someone somewhere. In fact, I know that it will.