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I’m Back (Again)

Yes, I know; I have been away for a while. I have been writing but most of all I have been focusing on my mental health. Something that is very important and crucial to my ability to write. It has been a journey but I’m finally starting to feel like a person again, so I guess that’s better than nothing.

Daughter of Athena is still waiting to hear back from agents (yes, I refer to my manuscripts as if they are a person). I’m hopeful but I’m not gonna lie, those rejections hurt a little bit. I’m thrilled about the story and I think that other’s will enjoy it as well. If it comes down to it, I have zero problems with self-publishing it as well.

I am also back to working on the sequel to Imitatore. I took a break from the story because I wasn’t entirely sure where I wanted to go with it. Now that I have an idea, and a small spark of inspiration; it is back in my rotation of works. I also recently self-published a collection of poetry, which you can find on Amazon. It is called Legal Pad Poetry: Poems From Yellow Paper. I hope you enjoy it!

Alrighty, that’s enough out of me. Back to writing!

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Complicated

So my book signing at Barnes & Noble is Saturday. I am thrilled to get this underway and hope the turnout is good.

I have been going through and dealing with some very complicated things in my personal life. Suffice to say, I am trying to push through but that does not seem to be working much anymore. I continue to write because it distracts me from that reality but sooner or later I am going to have to be honest with myself.

Mental illness is a tricky thing. Its a hard thing. Its a complicated thing. One day you’re fine, the next day you’re not and you’re not even sure why. I haven’t been okay in a while even though I have been telling everyone that I am. I wear a mask in everyday life but that mask is starting to crack and fall apart. My ruse at some point will no longer work. I do not want to go into much detail about everything as there are people I would prefer not know everything.

This post ended up being sadder than I expected it to be but if I can’t be honest on my own blog, where else can I be? Mental illness is kicking me in the face. I am treading water and no longer have the energy to even try and swim. I find solace in my writing because besides my relationship, it’s about all I have left to cling to.

But again, on a lighter note. I hope to see you at my signing Saturday if you’re in the area. Good tidings and happy days to you all.

A. Rose

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Another Journey

I have been away writing and working on promotion, things like that. I also have to be honest and say that I have been slightly isolating myself as well. I am on a new mental health journey and it is taking a bit of a toll on me.

All my life, I have been the girl with anxiety and depression. That’s what it has always been, nothing more, nothing less. I am reaching a point in my life and journey where I am now realizing that it may be much more than that. I have to get an assessment and confirm what this is before I tell anyone. Just know that I am still here, still writing, and still very thankful for you all.

I hope to see you at my book signing on April 7th!

A. Rose

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Almost There!

It has been a hectic last few days for me, so I apologize for the gap in posting. The release of my book is almost near. I am really excited and hopeful for that day. So far, the reviews from some of my advance readers have been really uplifting. While I would like to be one of those people who is able to say that I don’t need the opinions of others; that is only slightly not true about me.

Positive reinforcement is actually a very helpful thing for me. Though, I do love constructive and helpful criticism as well. Its just nice to know that someone other than me enjoyed something that I wrote. It makes me blush, it makes me giddy, and most of all, it makes me very hopeful for my future as a writer. Honestly, I’m sure I’ve said this way too many times already but I’ve always wanted to be a writer. I never really felt like one and I let fear get in my way too many times to count. I’m still fearful but I’m pushing past it this time.

For the first time in a long time, I think that I’m actually happy. There are no dark and sad thoughts lingering about in my head. I guess the right combination of medication can really change a persons life. Don’t get me wrong, nothing is perfect all the time by any means, but i do feel a lot better. I’m excited to see what this year has in store for me, rather than dreading another day.

So January 11th is marked on my calendar and it should be on yours too!

A. Rose

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Waiting is Torture

I am so ready to get this book out there and the wait is driving me crazy. I know, editing and formatting are things that cannot be skipped. These things are really the most crucial part of the process but I am so ready.

I have been emailing bookstores and now I’m trying to find book reviewers as well. I am trying to really set myself up for the most success possible. I am terrible at self-promotion because I hate talking about myself. I always feel like I’m bragging or something and it makes me super uncomfortable. However, I am really going to have to get over that. Like super fast.

It is something that I work on in therapy constantly. Being able to believe in myself and stop selling myself short on everything I do. I have to learn that it’s okay to be proud of myself and it is okay to celebrate my accomplishments. But how on Earth do I do that? How does anyone really?

This is what is holding me back from having a release party. I want to do it but it would basically be an entire celebration about me. Truth be told, I don’t even like birthday parties that much (I mean I will have them but ya know). I think it’s my anxiety really, all that attention on me makes me nervous. Maybe all writers are like that and it’s sort of counter intuitive. You want to share your work with the world but also want to hide in the shadows at the same time. It is difficult to have both I suppose.

I’m going to do this and I’m really going to face my fears while doing this. I think that’s the most important part of this whole journey. Growing past the things that scare me and learning more about myself in the process. Still haven’t gotten over my minor agoraphobia but I’m gonna get there. Oh yea, I didn’t mention that, I have a big fear of leaving my house. I do leave my house but I’m at a heightened state of anxiety the whole time I’m out. It sucks but I’m working on getting better. So yea, it’s time to face my fears and grow.

A. Rose

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Not Running Away

There are times when I get scared, a lot more than I would like to. It often causes me to give up on projects before they are even finished because I’m too afraid of the possible outcome. Right now is really no different than all of those other times.

I am afraid. I’m afraid of failing, I am afraid of putting myself so far out there, and most of all I am afraid of disappointing those that believe in me. I think that this is a rational fear to have, even if I hate it. I guess that if I’m not scared then that must mean that I don’t care, right? At least that’s what people say. Right now, the only thing my brain is telling me to do is to “tuck my tail and run” but I am not going to do that. The only way I can disappoint those that believe in me, is to quit.

Like I have said many times, this is a dream that I have had for so long. If I give up on it, I really would be letting myself down more than anyone else. All my life I have wanted to be a writer and now the opportunity is starting me in the face; it makes me incredibly anxious. What if it turns out that I’m not a writer at all? That I’m not as talented as I hope that I am? I know I have to believe in myself and part of me does, it’s just that mental illness part of me that picks at that. This may be a ‘woe is me’ post but hey, its my blog. Imitatore means everything to me. I have put in so much time, effort, sleepless nights, and now money. I just don’t want it all to be for nothing.

I have to believe that it won’t be. I have to believe that this book will reach someone somewhere. In fact, I know that it will.

A. Rose

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We Did It!!!

With great joy I am here to announce that my GoFundMe campaign goal has been met! I seriously am crying from all the overwhelming support I have received from friends and strangers. Your belief in me is absolutely more than I can handle and I don’t know how I am ever going to repay any of you.

You all have helped me realize a dream that I never thought I would get to, let alone even set out to accomplish in the first place. I know I talk about my mental illnesses a lot but they are very real and they often stand in my way. I am hoping that I will be able to stave them off long enough to see this through. Of course, I am going to publish, I just don’t want to fall off on promoting myself.

So again, thank you all for your support and Imitatore will be coming to you all soon! I will keep you updated. Also my GoFundMe will stay up for a few days for any other donations that may come in! Much Love!

 

A. Rose